If I promise to keep the beginning and the end unchanged, please, please could I have a do-over on the middle parts of my first love? I swear I’ll keep it G-rated and no butterflies will be harmed during my travel.
It’s a pretty simple really – I want to fall in love with the same tall, cool dish but accompanied by some traditional trappings. Not be confined to meeting & kissing furtively in the dark under a perishing cement bicycle stand in college. Nothing too fancy – just actual dates – in public (gasp). Perhaps even hold hands. And, – oh yes! -the classic package deal too please- dinner followed by a movie. A proper romance, dammit!
Is it too much to ask to fully experience the irreprissible ebullience that youthful love brings ? To mount displays of utter silliness stemming from pure infatuation ? To mindlessly gush about his perfection? To ask in a million different ways “How much do you love me?” Fulfill a desire to be wooed? Give in to the sheer thrill of the physicality of first love?
I’d jettison any sense of moral turpitude and a complete disregard for my environment’s censure. Most of all, my youthful self would grow a spine (and while we’re growing, larger boobs wouldn’t hurt either. But we digress), ignore the oppressive social norms of my world and instead, love with abandon. For heaven’s sake, you experience first love only once. Explode.
Giving in to the glorious feeling of being completely in love for the first time can only have positive long-term outcomes. Even when it ends – which it most likely will – you’ll still have had that exhilarating experience.
The alternative route I’d so brilliantly chosen – littered with guilt and repression, is not recommended. I never allowed myself to confess my feelings fully. This, despite knowing that he really liked me and realizing that I was completely smitten.
When I got dumped, it was devastating and it took me ages to regroup. Years later, I had the ignominy of hearing him say ” I never knew how you really felt”. As I said, not recommended.
There is just one little wrinkle I’d request upon returning to the present – instead of being referred to as “an old friend from college”, I’d like the official title of “ex-girlfriend”. Please, sir?